VETERAN comic Jimmy Jones admits he is relieved to be a lot closer to the exit door, than attempting to start climbing the slippery career ladder all over again.
After more than four decades in the adult laughter business, Jones kicks off a fresh string of dates with a first appearance at the Palace Theatre this Friday.
He's nowhere near ready to pack it all in just yet, however, and has only just returned home from a six week jet setting stint, working all over the planet, from Hong Kong to Las Vegas.
But at 70 years of age, Jones, who lives in Upminster, admits he would hate to have to begin again in a drastically changed world from when he started life on stage.
"It's getting harder and harder to be a comic," said Jones. "I'm much happier being closer to making my way out through the exit door, hopefully to a nice comfy seat upstairs, than trying to start a career in this crazy business.
"Things have changed so much since I started out 40 years ago and in this politically correct modern world you have to be so careful about what you say, or who you offend.
"Just look at Jim Davidson on that chef's programme recently. He got slaughtered for some of the things he came out with.
"He hadn't been on TV for a while. When he was on the box years ago and watched by millions, people loved what he did. But things are different now and people take offensive very easily.
"That's why I've always stuck to the stage and stayed away from the TV. If you took all the rude stuff out of my act it wouldn't be the same.
"People come to watch me because they know I am going to be rude and take the Mickey out of them. You are paying for what you get and should stay away if you are easily offended.
"I remember when Jim first started out on TV. He had to take out all the swearing and blue bits and the audience started walking out half way through.
"It wasn't as funny without his usual material. He had to reinvent himself for the TV. I've never wanted to be a watered down Jimmy Jones, which is why I've always stuck to the stage."
Jones has always been one of the hardest working comics on the circuit, taking his outrageous show on the road an exhausting 250 times a year in the past.
He has picked up a diverse set of high profile admirers, with the moustached Magnum PI, Tom Selleck, and heavy metal band Iron Maiden, among his famous fans.
And it's never too late to pick up new admirers, as Jones has been learning out in the desert at Las Vegas' Magic Castle club.
"I've just had a great time out in America and the people there love the humour," said Jones, who has sold more than half a million videos and DVDs of his live performances.
"I don't change my material too much for them. They love the Cockney accent and, to be fair, they get most of it. But I do have to make the odd little tweak here and there.
"If I tell them a joke about a bloke in a doctor's surgery complaining about having a suppository stuck behind his ear because of some bum stealing his Biro, they don't get the punchline.
"They don't know what a Biro is. I have to say Ballpoint pen. It's the same for car gags. Motorways are highways and boots are trunks. They get totally confused if I start talking about toeing a broken down truck.
"But I like to think I'm re-educating them and maybe I'll write my own phrasebook. I tell them, we found this country and taught you how to speak English - but you went and ruined it'. They love it."
Jimmy said he would keep on working until the day he dies - and he means that literally.
"A lot of the greatest live comic greats - like Bernard Manning and Mike Reed - have passed away recently, which is a sad loss," he said.
"I'm still loving performing more than ever and the audiences are still enjoying it. I had four generations of the same family in a theatre the other day - an 87-year-old great granny down to a 17-year-old great grandson, which was amazing.
"So I'll keep on going until the day I die. I want to go out like Tommy Cooper. I want to die on stage. I can't think of anything better than that.
"Going out doing what you love the most - entertaining people and really having the last laugh. But don't worry, I'm not aiming to keel over at the Palace!"
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