Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? It's pretty certain that at some stage, most of us have had "friends" whose impact on our lives was negative and hurtful. Or if we've been lucky with our friends, then maybe there was a teacher who made you feel stupid or a doctor who belittled you and your concerns. Thankfully, we eventually leave teachers behind and we can swap doctors but sometimes the damage has been done. But extracting yourself from a toxic relationship with a friend or relative can be more difficult because a relationship is initially about an emotional connection. And that's hard to sever.

I think I have been extremely lucky in my life as I have rarely encountered the archetypal 'bitchy' woman and I can smell a control freak from a hundred paces so tend not to hang around when there's a whiff of unpleasantness in the air.

At the ripe old age of 41, I suppose I've sorted the wheat from the chaff and now have exactly the right type of close friends for me. And I consider myself very lucky and blessed to have such beautiful people in my life.

But last week, my friend and I went out and she had a (thankfully) brief encounter with a toxic woman who she'd never met before. The woman made a complimentary remark about my friend's top. My friend thanked her and replied that it was only a tenner in Primark. The woman smiled in a way that didn't quite reach her eyes and said, "Oh really, you are brave, I'd feel so embarrassed going out in something that cheap - still, it really suits you."

With that she turned and walked off and left my friend feeling humiliated and embarrassed.

Now, I'd like to ask, what is the purpose of that type of comment? What are the feelings behind the spite? Did this woman even realise she was being so hateful or was she so plagued by insecurities and inadequacies that she could only elevate her own poor self esteem by belittling others? Did she get a feeling of power from hurting my friend? I wish I could have asked her.

I mentioned this story to my neighbour who told me that she'd worked with a woman like this. A passive aggressive, mixed message sending female boss who'd say she loved you with body language and a tone of voice that really meant she hated you. So, I ran the story by another friend who said, yes, she too had known a terribly competitive mother who was like this. This mother only ever asked questions about other people's children in order to create the opportunity to boast about how far advanced hers were.

So it seems I have been lucky after all and there are more "toxic" people than we realise.

According to Cheryl Richardson, there are six types of "toxic" people:

The Blamer
This person likes to hear his own voice. He constantly complains about what isn't working in his life and yet gets energy from complaining and dumping his frustrations on you.

The Drainer
This is the needy person who calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice or whatever she needs to feel better in the moment. Because of her neediness, the conversation often revolves around her, and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during the conversation.

The Shamer
This person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of your or your ideas in front of others. He often ignores your boundaries and may try to convince you that his criticism is for you own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before his.

The Discounter
This is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. Often, she has a strong need to be right and can find fault with any position. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen.

The Gossip
This person avoids intimacy by talking about others behind their backs. The gossip gets energy from relaying stories, opinions, and the latest "scoop". By gossiping about others, he creates a lack of safety in his relationships, whether he realizes it or not. After all, if he'll talk about someone else, he'll talk about you.
(from http://www.oprah.com)

So, this got me thinking about other types of damaging relationships and TV came to mind. So, I have to ask - just how healthy is our relationship with the media?

Celebrity Big brother is finally over. Did you watch it? I started to watch it but switched off when all the nastiness and bullying started. Call me old fashioned, but observing a person being victimised in the name of "entertainment" doesn't float my boat I'm afraid.

Even though I'd stopped watching the show, there was no escaping the news of events in the house and I felt a mixture of frustration and dismay towards Jade, Jo and Danielle's behaviour. Why were these three women bullying another woman like this? I turned on the TV to watch Jade's eviction but to my shame, was ever so slightly disappointed there were no booing crowds communicating the nations disapproval. When I caught myself feeling this, I felt rather small and extremely ashamed that I could become so petty and spiteful towards someone I didn't even know.

Until the Jadegate incident, this years Celebrity Big Brother had been dubbed the dullest ever. But when more than 41,000 people complained to British media watchdog Ofcom, questions were asked in the House of Commons and protests were held in India, viewing figures rose from 3 million to 9 million. Is it unreasonable for the public to wonder whether producers manufactured the row in any way to gain higher ratings? Were we being manipulated?

Jade Goody was, allegedly, rolling her mother’s joints at five years old. In her autobiography she writes about hiding her mother's stashes of drugs before police raids, going shoplifting and witnessing her mother and friends dabbling in illegal substances.

This awful background does not excuse Goody's vile, playground bully behaviour towards fellow housemate Shilpa, but it does suggest that she may have been deliberately chosen by Channel 4 in the hope that Ms Shetty's grace and dignity might press Goody's emotional insecurity buttons and get her seriously riled. In other words, it's not really much of a surprise all this kicked off.

And who is Jade Goody's agent - none other than John Noel Management? Hmm, don't they also manage Davina, Russell Brand, and Dermot O'Leary? I'm starting to smell a rat here.

Just like the Tricia, Judge Judy, the two Jerry’s (Springer and Kyle) et al, C4 and Endomol rely on vulnerable "misfits" with few aspirations except being a "celebrity" to parade in front of the public and earn them millions.

They're laughing all the way to the bank while the poor schmucks in the frontline, take the battering.

The production companies pay lip service to being concerned but the truth is that wannabee's are their lifeblood now. Modern day factory fodder.

Under 10 year olds in the UK say that "getting rich" and "being famous" are the most important things in the world according to a National Kids Day survey. Isn't that a bit worrying? Just being famous is now an ambition - not actually DOING anything or achieving anything to justify their fame.

The creation of "celebrity" status as a viable career choice is doing every one of us and especially young people, a mammoth disservice. And who is it that's created this? Yes, it's the TV companies.

So, I can't help wondering; just how much are our emotions manipulated by the media? Hold on, manipulating emotions - doesn't this bring us back to toxic relationships?

If healthy, whole, relationships are supposed to uplift us and make us feel positive, encouraged and optimistic and more able to fulfil our personal potential then perhaps it's with the media that we have our moist toxic and damaging relationship?

Time to switch off the TV perhaps, open the windows, let the poison out and breathe...?