NOT for the first time this season I left Roots Hall on Saturday with mixed emotions not really knowing how to feel.
I may watch matches from the press box nowadays but having followed the fortunes of my home-town club for the past 34 years I feel the ups and downs just like you.
And there have perhaps been more of them than ever before at Blues this season.
On the pitch, it is finally enjoyable to watch the Shrimpers once again.
After what had quite simply been prolonged dismal dross prior to the arrival of Kevin Maher and Tom Lawrence, Blues now have a team packed full of players everyone connected with the club can be proud of.
The Shrimpers have young, hungry professionals who genuinely want to do well and, while performances may occasionally be below par, that will never be down to a lack of effort with this group.
It is the best side Blues have had for quite some time and it is no coincidence that it stems from having the best managerial set up for quite some time too.
In years gone by, the Shrimpers went from one crazy appointment to another before naming Maher as boss in October 2021.
Since then Blues have finally started to move forward again and Maher has certainly played a big part where that is concerned.
Had he and the coaching staff around him not been able to lift the squad then the Shrimpers would have been in National League South by now.
And it is not scare-mongering to suggest there might have been no coming back from such a scenario.
But Blues fought hard to turn things around last season before pushing on and ending the current campaign just one place and two points outside the play-off places to further underline the progress being made.
A lot of hard work has gone into making that happen and that is the very least the Shrimpers supporters deserve.
For me, they have been the biggest stars this season and I struggle to remember a campaign where the fans have played such a pivotal part.
As we all know, Southend is a club like no other.
It remains critically underfunded and goes from one crisis to the next.
But at the toughest times this term it was the support from the terraces which helped to spur the team on.
And the large numbers continuing to back Blues during stages in the season the team were waiting for their wages certainly played a huge part.
However, it is also that support which makes me feel sad because these supporters deserve so much better.
Close to 8,500 fans packed into Roots Hall on Saturday to watch a fifth tier match and I just hope their loyalty will soon be rewarded.
The players deserve that too, along with the staff members behind the scenes who continue to work tirelessly despite waiting to receive their wages for March and April.
It is despicable and disgusting that this has now become the norm and there is a serious risk of further issues this summer.
Blues, of course, remain in the transfer embargo which was first placed upon them in September.
And that means they cannot open contract talks with any player whose current deal is due to expire this summer, which includes Steve Arnold, Collin Andeng Ndi, Shaun Hobson, Nathan Ralph and Jack Bridge.
Should they and others all depart then the Shrimpers run the risk of being right back at square one with a weak squad that cannot be strengthened.
That would be a recipe for disaster and cannot be allowed to happen.
Chairman Ron Martin continues to insist Blues are up for sale and, while it is important to find the right buyer, it is even more critical to ensure the club is in the right hands as quickly as possible too.
Time is of the essence where that is concerned and Kevin Maher was correct in his after match assessment of this side’s future.
As I have said previously, the club finds itself as the biggest crossroads of its entire history this summer.
And the right decisions must be made if it is to continue moving in the right direction.
I know I am biased but one look around a packed Roots Hall for the final game of the season on Saturday really showed just how special this club could and should be.
It has been stifled for far too long and I sign off for the summer with a strong message to those currently in charge to please put the needs of the club before their own.
Because it really is time for the potential of the Shrimpers to be unlocked and for the club to finally have a stable financial footing upon which success and sustainability can finally be achieved.
For that is something the long-suffering supporters of Southend United truly deserve.
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